


The right words

by uxiumin



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Slice of Life, University, inspired by a The Maine song, panicked gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-17 07:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20617121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uxiumin/pseuds/uxiumin
Summary: Kim Jongdae has been crushing on the most popular guy from his college for over a year, that's Kim Minseok.But, even if he is dying to talk to him, his tongue paralyzes everytime he tries to do it, the words simply won't come out. Luckily for him, his two friends Byun Baekhyun and Do Kyungsoo won't let his crush, and self-esteem, die.





	The right words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!
> 
> I've been wanting to write something out of my usual fantasy aus, and then I had this idea. I basically mixed a song from "The Maine" with a college au hahaha.  
I hope you all like it, and if you do let me know in the comment section, I'll gladly reply.
> 
> <3

> What would you say if you could say  
Everything you needed to  
To the one, you needed to?  
You flash like a setting sun  
You come around, I come undone  
Can't find the sound under my tongue  
When I look at you
> 
> \- [_Black butterflies and déjà vu_,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHm2bQRJIaw) by The Maine

* * *

Jongdae felt a subtle tickle on his tongue as soon as he caught a glimpse of Minseok walking around the green and overcrowded campus. He is not the only one that turns his head to look at the guy. Minseok is probably one of the most, if not the most, popular person in the entire Arts & Music department.

Black parted hair that falls effortlessly, partially covering his face, every time he has to run his slim fingers across those onyx strands Jongdae’s heart panics a little. Minseok’s feline eyes exude confidence, they could make any man bigger than he to fall on his knees. And if his eyes weren’t enough he has a well-built body, and a face that could be the cover of any fashion magazine. The way he walks, dresses and behaves yells determination, composure, nerve. On top of that, his grades are always one of the highest of the class. He is kind, even affectionate, with his classmates and friends, and in spite of his popularity, Minseok has never been branded as fake, arrogant or vain.

That’s what is so mesmerizing about Kim Minseok. His looks, how good his piercings, ripped pants and leather jacket fit him, his gummy smile and the way he scrunches his nose when he laughs are all genuine, natural, organic. He simply is that magnetic.

That magnetism is what causes Jongdae’s tongue to tickle. What makes the butterflies inside his belly rumble, creating a wild stampede inside of his entire body, especially his heart, that runs wild every time they both share a class. It’s why Jongdae’s tongue paralyzes every time he had tried to talk to his rock star of a classmate.

Jongdae isn’t exactly a quiet person. He is quite talkative indeed, and his voice can be heard across walls if he wants to. But this changes drastically every single time Minseok asks him something. Jongdae gets so nervous that all his vocabulary gets reduced to nodding or denying with his head, like a kid too shy to talk to an adult.

“Jongdae” — a voice called for him, waking him up from his daydreaming. “Earth calling Jongdae”

“Sorry” — Jongdae blushed a little, returning to his previous conversation.

“Don’t be mean, you know he blue screens when Minseok is around” — Kyungsoo answered nonchalantly.

“I don’t do that” — Jongdae complained loudly.

“Yes, you do” — the first voice, Baekhyun, complained too. “You even do it when he is not around.”

“That’s not true” — Jongdae pouted, heavily blushing.

“Anyway” — Baekhyun sighed, tired of his friend denying the obvious. “When are you going to do anything about your crush.”

“Don’t pressure him, maybe he needs another year of...sighing and daydreaming.” — Kyungsoo laughed a little.

Jongdae mocked a laugh. “How funny, I didn’t know that it was ‘let’s-pick-on-Jongdae season”

“It’s always that season.” — both of his friends replied while Jongdae was getting up from the grass, where the three friends just had a snack between classes while picking up his books and notebook.

“I’m leaving, shitty friends” — he said as a goodbye.

“Good luck in class!” — Baekhyun yelled. Jongdae replied sticking out his tongue, making both of his friends laugh. They know he has a class with Minseok now.

His friends aren’t mean. They are madly worried about his speaking issue, and very very very done with him nurturing a crush over a guy he is unable to even say ‘Hello’ to. They try to lighten the point constantly, its’ their way to cheer him up, and he feels really sheltered and supported, but Jongdae also knows that their jokes show their concern. He has been losing confidence gradually and starting to feel less like himself lately.

But, what can he actually do? His tongue refuses to move, his throat doesn’t produce a single sound, his knees even tremble a little at any time those eyes, lips and voice search for Jongdae. All he can do is stay there, blush like crazy, hope that his heart isn’t loud enough for Minseok to hear and nod.

At least he can nod.

_Can I be on time for once in my life?_, Minseok reprimanded himself while entering the crowded classroom. He tried not to make a sound, the teacher was already explaining something, writing over the white big board, he didn’t notice him, so he quickly sat at his usual spot, right beside Kim Jongdae. Kim Jongdae is probably the most talented guy in the whole class, at least in Minseok’s opinion. His voice and technique are simply outstanding. They sound so effortless and natural that it makes Minseok jealous every time he hears the guy sing. Not the bad and boring jealousy that leads you to hate someone. It’s the kind of jealousy that makes Minseok want to keep improving his own skills.

On top of that, the guy is cute. Hella cute. He is probably the cutest guy in his whole class, at least, in Minseok’s opinion. Kim Jongdae has that soft, careless, and easy-going attitude that is impossible to emulate unless you are a natural. His brown chocolate hair is always disheveled, although it fits him like a glove. His hazel eyes are curious, full of life, and have the adorable habit of transform into two crescent moons when he smiles or laughs. Combined with his charming curled up lips, he is the human description of sunshine.

Yes, Minseok has been paying attention to his classmate. But he can’t help it, Minseok is curious by nature and Kim Jongdae makes his curiosity flare-up. Mostly because he has heard Jongdae sing, perform, laugh and talk thousands of times, but never, not a single time to him. With his friends, and other classmates, he is cheerful, talkative, always laughing and joking around, but with Minseok he only nods. The longest conversation they’ve shared was through a piece of paper almost a year ago, when they both were freshmen and Minseok arrived late to class. As always.

From time to time, Minseok reads again the little piece of paper. He still carries around inside his backpack. It’s a simple note, not even a serious conversation, but a sweet glimpse of Jongdae:

< Sorry, can u tell me what is the teacher talking abt?

> Page 123, 1st exercise

< Thanks!

> U welcome (´｡• ω •｡`)

Minseok remembers the feeling of his face getting a pink hue over the cheeks, and the little giggle he couldn’t contain when he saw the small emoji. The mouth really resembled Jongdae’s. When Minseok looked at Jongdae he was looking at him, equally blushing with a nervous expression. For sure the cutest guy in his class.

But, Minseok doesn’t know what happened, what he did between the little note and today. Jongdae never talks, never answers unless he can nod or deny with his head and tends to vanish as soon as the class is over as if he was running away from him.

_Does he hate me?_, Minseok thought, looking at his classmate sat beside him, attentively copying whatever that was written over the board. It’s a common thought for Minseok, but today, looking at his classmate he perceived something else. Jongdae’s hair is as messy as always. And he isn’t wearing anything weird, black and yellow cardigan, shorts and a white shirt. It’s not about the clothes he wears, it is about the face he displays. His lips that usually live in a permanent curled up position, like he is always smiling at some inside joke, are down, his eyes distant, and the notebook Minseok believed full of class notes, were in fact scribbles and little chaotic drawings.

Minseok, not without some hesitation, grabbed a little piece of paper from his own notebook and left it above Jongdae’s one. The brown-haired guy froze instantly, he even dropped the pencil he had on his hand. A second later the tiny piece of paper was back again on Minseok’s side of the table.

< Are u ok? U seem down 

> It’s nothing! Don’t worry (｡･ω･｡)

< It looks like u, the emoji I mean

> I get that a lot (๑´ω`๑)

> It’s cute ♡

Jongdae had never, not even once in his entire life, ran so fast like when the bell rang that day. He picked up his things from the table, including the paper note Minseok wrote to him and fleeted like the devil was chasing him. As fast as thunder.

He looked everywhere for his two friends. The outside yard, the cafeteria, the library... he finally found them lazily talking over Kyungsoo’s locker near the Arts building entrance.

“I-I-I" — Jongdae tried to say, but he had been running like crazy for a while, and his breath had abandoned him.

“Jongdae, breath” — Kyungsoo said, looking at his friend a little concerned. His hair was messier than usual. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I’ve been looking for both of you, I crossed the entire Arts campus running” — Jongdae finally managed to say.

“You know, you could’ve texted us before running like a madman across the campus” — Baekhyun chuckled. “What’s wrong?”

“This” — Jongdae smashed the piece of paper into Baekhyun’s right hand making a loud clap. Baekhyun took the paper and rode it, as soon as he finished he started panicking as much as Jongdae.

“Soo!” — Baekhyun handed the paper to Kyungsoo. “READ THIS!”

“Okay, but don’t shout” — Kyungsoo took the paper while Baekhyun hugged Jongdae playfully. “Is this Minseok?”

“Yes!” — Jongdae yelled.

“He called you cute indirectly?” — Kyungsoo asked a bit surprised, rising both of his thick eyebrows.

“YES!” — this time the yelling crossed the entire hallway.

“Congrats.” — Kyungsoo couldn’t help it, his heart-shaped smile showed up in presence of Jongdae’s pure happiness. “You sound like a teenager.”

“So, what is the next step?” — Baekhyun asked, looking to Jongdae full of hope.

“What?” — Jongdae’s smile flattened, he hadn’t thought of that. “I...don't know.”

“Come on” — Baekhyun complained. “Don’t tell me you are going to miss this chance.”

“What chance?” — Jongdae asked back. “I talked to him through a paper, I’m unable to speak to him…”

“But he thinks you are cute….” — Baekhyun kept saying, trying to cheer up his friend.

“The emoji is” — Jongdae sighed. “I’m just a weirdo unable to talk to his crush.” - Jongdae smashed his head against Kyungsoo’s locker startling everyone around. Then, he grabbed the tiny piece of paper, heading to the exit with the biggest pout possible. The Sun that beamed just seconds ago was now covered in clouds.

“Dae, where are you going?” — Kyungsoo asked, worried.

“Home”

* * *

A few hours passed away, as soon as Jongdae reached his shared apartment he took off his clothes and put on the comfiest sweatpants and shirt he had. Lying on his bed, looking at the ceiling with the lamest expression, the little note hanging on the corkboard, among pictures and restaurant fliers, looked at him like a grim reminder of his previous futile excitement.

“Embarrassing” — Jongdae whispered, covering his face with a pillow.

He heard the door opening, but he didn’t move a single inch, he just waited for the inevitable. Baekhyun throwing himself over him with all his weight like they were in a wrestling match. Just like Jongdae expected, his blondie friend landed exactly over his body with a loud thump, while Kyungsoo leaned over the door, looking at both of his friends with a funny expression.

“Sorry, did we interrupt your self-pity hours?” — Baekhyun asked with one of his square smiles, placing his eyeglasses, they almost flew away when he threw himself over Jongdae.

“Yes, you did” — Jongdae sighed, his face under a pillow again.

“Enough of this” — Kyungsoo sat at the side of the bed and threw the pillow to Baekhyun’s face, which let out a surprised gasp. “I won’t tolerate this any longer, Kim Jongdae.”

“Ow, Mom got serious” — Baekhyun whispered, owning himself a glare from Kyungsoo.

“If you don’t want to make a move with Minseok, fine, but forget about him for good.” — Kyungsoo's words were as harsh as his eyes. “But If you can’t, or refuse, to forget about him, then make a goddam move.”

“Soo…” — Jongdae pouted.

“No” — Kyungsoo warned him. “We’ve been suffering you and this crush for over a year. Don’t get me wrong, we will bear with you forever if necessary, but I can’t allow this any longer. I won’t watch how you destroy my Jongdae, and your self-esteem, and remain silent”

“We have noticed” — Baekhyun talked almost in a whisper. “You have been getting sadder and quieter, even with us. And it’s not your fault, or Minseok’s, it’s that anxiety that won’t let you talk to him.”

“You are letting that affect you in every aspect of your life”

“Of course it does” — Jongdae sat on his bed, his eyes getting redder and watery. “I can’t talk. I feel stupid every time I look at him. I feel worthless and ridiculous. And then I get home, look into the mirror and all I can think about is that Minseok had to see that face panicking…”

“Honestly” — Baekhyun interrupted. “Minseok is a lucky guy if he can see your face panicking for him.”

Jongdae let a tiny smile show on his face. “I’m serious, that wasn’t even a compliment” — Baekhyun ended up saying.

“Don’t think about your crush, just answer me honestly.” — Kyungsoo took Jongdae's hand between his own, looking dead serious to Jongdae with his almost black orbs. “What do you want to do?”

Jongdae didn’t answer for a minute. His friends were right, he had to make a move in the right direction, not for Minseok, for him, for his lost self-esteem. He had that debt with himself. If he managed to recover, to overcome this pothole in his life maybe he could be able to find the right words to tell Minseok. And a maybe was better than his actual situation.

“I want to improve” — Jongade finally said with a shy smile creeping over his face. “I want to get better, I want to be myself again, and even better.” — Kyungsoo and Baekhyun smiled proudly at his friend.

“Count with me” — Kyungsoo said petting his friend head lovingly.

“And me, of course.” — Baekhyun threw himself over again, but this time Kyungsoo was also underneath the blondie hug. The three friends laughed soundly to their heart’s content until Jongdae spoke again.

“And… what I’m going to do?” — Jongdae asked, a little to his friends but mostly to himself.

“Don’t worry” — Baekhyun quickly answered. “I have a few ideas.” — with a flirty wink, Baekhyun answered the main question but left Jongdae with newer and even many questions.

“We are all gathered here today to address an issue we all care about..” — Baekhyun talked while Kyungsoo and Jongdae looked at him astonished from their blue couch in the living room.

“Why are you all dressed up?” — Jongdae asked.

“Is that my tie?” — Kyungsoo asked too.

“Because I want to make it right, and yes, Kyungsoo, it is your tie, you are the only one in this house that owns a tie.” — Baekhyun explained. “And now, shut up and let me keep up with my presentation.”

Kyungsoo and Jongdae nodded, a little skeptical, but they had no other choice anyway. “This, is our dear friend, Kim Jongdae.” — a few photos of Jongdae, some of them really embarrassing, showed up in Baekhyun’s laptop screen. “He has many good things, but we are not here to boost his ego with vanity, we are here because he has a problem”

“How did you get that photo of me in high school?” — Jongdae asked a little annoyed.

“I texted your brother.” — Baekhyun answered not really caring. “Our dear friend, that is apparently unable to stop interrupting me, is also unable to talk properly with his crush. Because shouting doesn’t count as talking.”

Jongdae remembers that incident as clear as water. And he wishes he didn’t.

Every year, around December, their college celebrates and Art & Music Festival. There are theater plays, the cinema students record some short films, concerts… that kind of festival.Jongdae decided to join one of the choruses, and sing some Christmas songs alongside a few friends and classmates. It sounded like a chill way of participating in the festival. Until Minseok decided to take part too, joining, of course, the same chorus as him.

Jongdae managed to sing anyway, in spite of the terrible knot he had been feeling since the first rehearsal due to Minseok’s presence and his glances every time Jongdae had to pull a higher note, his specialty.

Don’t get him wrong, Jongdae was excited and absolutely pleased with the idea of singing alongside Minseok — even if it was in a chorus — but knowing about his talking problem he was also deeply worried about his voice vanishing in the worst moment. Again.

At the end of the day, when they had already performed, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo went to pick Jongdae up backstage, right when Minseok decided to greet him.

“Jongdae” — Minseok called. “You did an amazing job today.”

Jongdae was already blocked, he couldn’t stop looking at Minseok’s eyes. They are always beautiful, but that day he decided to put some glitter on his lids, creating a mesmerizing, shiny look. If it wasn’t for Baekhyun he would have died right there. “His throat is really sore right now. He had been trying to talk, but he is a little sick at the moment…” — Baekhyun intervened trying to sound natural, not like he had just come up with that.

“Oh, I see” — Minseok smiled to the three of them. “Take care of your throat. It would be a shame to lose such a singer.” — Jongdae nodded with a sincere smile. How much he wished to talk to him, the words want to come out, but his tongue won’t move, absolutely paralyzed. Minseok started to turn around, leaving the conversation, when Jongdae forced himself so much that the simple words he wanted to say came out. But in the shape of a loud yell.

“THANK YOU, YOU WERE REALLY GREAT TOO, MINSEOK!”

Everybody in the backstage looked at Jongdae, petrified, his friends, Minseok. He left the place almost running with his friends following him trying really hard not to laugh right there.

“Let’s not talk about that night, please” — Jongdae dismissed the topic.

“Moving forward” — Baekhyun kept talking. “We have two objectives: regaining the lost confidence of Jongdae. And talk to the crush, as known as Kim Minseok.” — Baekhyun pointed at a photo of Minseok displaying on his laptop screen.

“Where did you get that photo?” — Jongdae asked.

“That’s why you wanted to take photos of the campus earlier?” — Kyungsoo asked too.

“Kyungsoo has answered your question, Dae” — Baekhyun laughed. “Come on, I needed a photo.”

“You could’ve used the annuary photo” — Jongdae sighed.

“That photo doesn’t make any justice to his eyes” — Baekhyun answered sure of his words. “Well, we have pointed out the problem and our objectives, coming next: our solutions.”

“Our?” — Kyungsoo asked raising an eyebrow.

“Starting today, the perfect weekend begins. The weekend where we — you and me, Kyungsoo — are going to help Jongdae. Embellishing, polishing our dear friend to discover his full potential. I call it ‘Blooming Days’, because you are going to bloom like the beautiful flower you are”

Baekhyun’s speech left Kyungsoo and Jongdae dazed, without words. And a terrified Jongdae. “I didn’t understand a single thing” — Jongdae replied with a thread of a voice.

“And today is Thursday” — Kyungsoo pointed.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “It’s going to be a long weekend, every day is weekend if you try hard enough”- The blondie sighed. “We are going to help you with your fears, your anxiety... and with your looks.”

“What’s wrong with my looks?”

“Nothing, but you know, you would look great with black hair.”

“I agree” — Kyungsoo nodded.

“What if I don’t want to dye my hair?” — Jongdae asked.

“Pfff” — Baekhyun laughed — “As I care, I already bought some dye.”

“You knew about this?” — Jongdae asked, looking at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo slowly nodded with a guilty smile creeping on his mouth. “I did. Well, only about the dye, the powerpoint was a surprise for me too.”

“He paid for the dye.” — Baekhyun confessed with a square smile, while a cushion flew across the small living room landing on his head.

Jongdae sighed, trying to clear his mind for just a second. “Guys, this is great...but… I’m not sure I feel comfortable doing this. What if I follow every step of your plan to only feel like I’m disguised in the end? That won’t help…”

“You are right” — Kyungsoo agreed. “But you got us wrong. We are not planning on changing you, you’ll always be Jongdae. But we also think t that you might need a change, you are stuck right now.”

“You have been wearing the same green hoodie since high school, and sometimes even you can get bored with how you look… It’s more important than you think.” — Baekhyun said with a soft smile.

“Why do you hate my green hoodie so much?” — Jongdae complained.

“Because I tried it on and it looks ridiculous on me” — Baekhyun confessed.

“Enough” — Kyungsoo called out both of them. “Don’t think of it as a disguise, it’s just an armor”

_An armor_, Kyungsoo’s words echoed through Jongdae’s brain. To be honest, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun made a point. He has been feeling bored about the way he looks, probably due to his lost esteem progressively vanishing. His heart had always been a soft one, easily hurt and annoyed, and maybe if he managed to grow some new self-love and esteem he wouldn’t be so afraid of making a move. Of talking… maybe he wouldn’t be so scared about the words that don’t want to come out. He is still afraid that he would feel like cosplaying himself, but a change won’t be that bad, and the faces his two friends displayed when he accepted the dying were worth. If I need a change to improve, a change I’ll have, he thought.

“If I knew that convincing him was going to be this easy I would have chosen the pink dye.” — Baekhyun confessed with a serene chuckle.

“Tell me it’s a joke, Soo” — Jongdae whispered.

“I wish.” — Kyungsoo replied, leading him to their tiny bathroom where everything was already prepared. A homemade hair salon to give Jongdae his first change.

“Let’s start the Jongdae’s Blooming Days” — Baekhyun yelled.

“Do we really need to use that name?” — Jongdae chuckled.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes funnily, while Kyungsoo started reading the instructions out loud, so everyone understood what to do. Apparently, Jongdae’s work was to stay very still and don’t complain. Baekhyun spread the thick, black substance over Jongdae’s hair with care, and a pair of plastic gloves on that he almost forgot to wear. After some waiting — at the couch watching some series, with a very funny looking Jongdae — and several rinses of his entire head, Jongdae was good to go.

At least his hair was.

* * *

The hot spring morning greeted Jongdae while he walked across the campus. He could feel how some of his classmates looked at him with surprise and interest. Baekhyun convinced him to change a few more things about his hair after dying it. So now, instead of his usual disheveled chocolate hair, he wears a glowy and styled black hair, shorter on the back, fitting the curve of his neck, but long over the forehead, hiding a little his eyes giving it a mysterious look.

Speaking of new things, he has been hiding the dark mauve jacket he is wearing today for years inside his wardrobe. He bought it a long time ago believing it would look cool but never wore it. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun found it yesterday, when the three of them were planning his outfit for today’s appearance while throwing away some old and overused items — luckily he persuaded Baekhyun to keep his green hoodie — ripped black pants, really fitted, a black shirt and a few silver pendants Baekhyun insisted he should wear.

Just as Kyungsoo said, he didn’t feel disguised, probably because they were his own clothes. Plus a few accessories from Baekhyun. He was feeling observed, and he isn’t used to be the center of attention unless he is on stage singing. However, the looks and gossip soon started to die out with the day, in the end is only a new haircut. Jongdae started to feel more reassured, he even found himself smiling at his reflection on the bathroom. With that giddy feeling inside he crossed the hallway towards his last class for the day, when he stopped on his own tracks in front of the door.

He has a class with Minseok. Jongdae quickly texted Baekhyun, who, in spite of being in his own class, replied a second before:

> He is inside already

< Minseok?

< Is his class too…

> Ikr

> U think he will notice?

< He is friends w Oh Sehun, I’m sure he knows already

< Make a dramatic entrance

> no?

< boring

_An armor, you are wearing armo_r, Jongdae repeated to himself like a mantra while opening the heavy door. As soon as he put a foot inside the classroom, Minseok looked at him. He was probably surprised that Jongdae had arrived later than he usually does, and maybe about the look change. Whatever the reason those cat-like eyes kept looking at him until he reached his seat at the crowded room. Jongdae looked sideways to Minseok, who was still looking at him, piercing slowly his armor.

But Jongdae won’t let him do that, he has to harden himself. And just a pair of eyes — even if he would give anything for those eyes to look just at him — won’t destroy his armor.

Jongdae smiled softly at Minseok, who replied with the same smile.

_Fine,_ Jongdae said in his head, _you did it great._ But when another piece of paper showed up over his textbook his heart went ballistic once again.

< I like your new hair

Thanks to the longer strands Baekhyun decided to style over his forehead, his face was partially covered. And thanks to that Minseok was losing the sight of Jongdae blushing from chin to head, not leaving a single spot of his face without coloring.

_Breathe, Jongdae_, he reminded himself. Jongdae looked again to Minseok, he wasn’t looking at Jongdae anymore, waiting for some answer from Jongdae, and that’s when it hit him.

“Thank you” — Jongdae whispered. Minseok looked at Jongdae. His eyes showed astonishment, it was the first time that Jongdae saw Minseok confused.

They both returned to their usual class job. Although the pair had a weird time adjusting to their usual; one couldn’t believe that he actually heard what he heard, while the other couldn't believe that he said what he said.

For once, Jongdae wasn’t the only one without words.

“I can’t stand you” — Baekhyun was furious “All you needed was a cool haircut to start talking?”

“I… the words simply seemed… right.” — Jongdae explained not caring about the dumb smile spreading on his face.

“They seemed right.” — Baekhyun mocked Jongdae with a funny voice that echoed through their apartment hallway. “I had a four-day plan perfectly designed and now is futile, obsolete…

“Baekhyun, don’t be dramatic” — Kyungsoo added

“Baekhyun, don’t breathe.” — the blondie said with a big pout on his mouth, crossing his arms while letting his body fell over Jongdae’s bed.

“Whatever” — Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “This is worth some celebration, it’s the biggest improvement you’ve made in a year”

“That sounds sad” — Jongdae whispered.

“I was thinking, that If Baekhyun stops being so overdramatic, the celebration can be the second part of his wonderful plan.” — Kyungsoo said while pinching softly one of Baekhyun’s cheeks.

“You are a genius!” — Baekhyun suddenly got up, the angriness washed away, he was now his usual cheerful self. “It’s simply perfect”

“...what are you two talking about?” — Jongdae had to ask.

“The second part of ‘Jongdae’s Blooming Days’ is tonight. And I don’t care if you made progress, I mean, I care, I’m happy that you managed to talk to Minseok. But I don’t care If you think that you are good now. We are doing this anyway” — Baekhyun spoke so fast that left Kyungsoo and Jongdae a little out.

“Wow, you are so good with words, Baek” — Kyungsoo chuckled.

“What is the second part about?” — Jongdae asked again.

“We can’t tell” — both of his friends answered at the same time.

“If you knew you wouldn’t want to do it”

“And we need to dress you for the occasion” — Baekhyun added already opening Jongdae’s wardrobe.

“Is some fancy shit? Because Kyungsoo doesn’t have enough ties” — Jongdae joked making Baekhyun laugh.

Kyungsoo denied with his head. “It’s the opposite of fancy”

“There’s nothing here worth the occasion, Soo.” — Baekhyun said while looking pensive at Jongdae’s wardrobe. “Let’s look between my clothes, I have an idea.”

Baekhyun’s closet was like Mary Poppin's purse. You can find literally anything inside. Baekhyun is a tidy person, but he is also a hoarder, the number of clothes, shoes, and accessories he has inside that closet would amaze anyone.

“How many clothes can you have?” — Kyungsoo asked, looking concerned and surprised to a pile of shirts almost as tall as him.

Baekhyun shrugged. “I don’t use half of those.”

“Yet you made me throw half of the mine the other day” — Jongdae complained.

“Shut up or I’ll make you go naked.” — Baekhyun threatened Jongdae with a square smile while he kept rummaging into some folded shirts. A minute or so later, he made a victory sound, with a black mesh sleeveless shirt, that made Jongdae panic.

“I’m not wearing that” — he said

Yes, he wore that same night. Luckily for him, the cool breeze made impossible for him — or anyone — to wear such a shirt without a jacket, so he also borrowed a light pink jacket from Baekhyun’s wardrobe. Both of his friends were also dressed for the mysterious occasion that was about to unveil itself when walking down a dark street full of clubs crowded with students from their own college, they reached a well-known local for Jongdae.

“Oh, no” — Jongdae simply said, under the neon sign shining over his head.

“Oh, yes” — Baekhyun said pushing his friend inside the place.

It was full to the brim. Not only with college students starting their weekends, but also older people and even some of their teachers. Jongdae now understands why Kyungsoo and Baekhyun didn’t tell him about their plan. The local they were entering was a special one. It’s comfortable, has enough space for a good crowd to congregate inside, and, of course, it’s main attractive: the stage.

Jongdae isn’t afraid of stages, but he is maybe a little afraid of that particular stage.

“How is reenacting one of the lamest moments in my life going to help me, exactly?” — Jongdae asked a little annoyed.

“Trust me” — Baekhyun answered. “You need to come to terms with your fears, and you’ve been scared of this place since that night.”

“You are killing your demons tonight” — Kyungsoo added.

“That’s why I wear armor, right?” — Jongdae asked, owning himself a sincere nod from Kyungsoo as an answer. “I’m going to grab something to drink” — he finally said with a sigh.

Leaving his friends at a table, a certain night one year ago came right to his mind, stinging inside his heart and proud like a needle pinching an open scar.

He was a freshman. The three of them decided to go out to celebrate their new life as college students. And they were having a great time. Some seniors of their college were performing on the stage, they were having a few drinks and a lot of fun. That’s exactly when he met Minseok. Jongdae remembers to detail the moment the black-haired guy entered the place with two of his friends, placing themselves on the counter, asking for some shots and drinking them as soon as they were served.

Jongdae doesn’t know to this day if that moment was the start of his talking problem, or if he just really messed up. But it was his turn to sign, he had asked for a song he loved, the stage was ready, his friends were cheering for him like crazy… and he went blank. He completely forgot the song he was about to sign. The melody started to play but the lyrics won’t come out. He could feel the anxiety growing inside of him, he had to step out of the stage.

Nobody booed him, but Jongdae never came back to this place, to this stage. Since then, he had been on many other stages with way better results. It never happened again.

After asking for their usual drinks and dodging standing people along his way he reached his friends, waiting for him and the beverages. As soon as he sat, Jongdae took his glass and drank probably half of his drink, in search of some liquid courage.

“Tell me” — Jongdae asked really serious. “What’s the plan”

“We asked for the same song you were going to sign that day” — Kyungsoo explained. “When you want to, the stage is yours.”

Jongdae nodded. “Better now than never” — he took another sip and got up, heading himself to the stage.

“Kyungsoo” — Baekhyun said with a panic expression on his eyes.

“Trust him” — Kyungsoo cut whatever Baekhyun was about to say. “If he can end with one of his fears, he will have the courage to end them all.”

“I hope you are right”

Even if the local was crowded Jongdae could only hear the thoughts on his head, everything else was a muffled distant noise. He saw himself standing right there, where a woman was now singing a rock song that was a hit in the ‘90s, in the middle of the stage one year ago, paralyzed and scared. Jongdae looked at the crowd. They were having a great time with the woman, he looked for his friends, talking to each other on the same table he left them. Some other classmates were around and entering the place, Minseok.

Of course, Jongdae thought with a heavy sigh leaving his throat watching how Minseok and his friends sat at another table, not far from his own. He tried to think only on the song he was about to perform, he knows it well, melody and lyrics. But it doesn’t feel completely right. He chose that song one year ago because it was a fun and easy song. It meant anything, and right now standing in front of one of his nightmares he should sing something with meaning.

“Excuse me” — he said to the sound technician that worked behind the stage. “Can I change my song?”

The stage went completely dark. The only light that remained turned on where the counter and the emergency exit lights. Suddenly, some claps, alongside bass and a guitar broke the silence that filled the place. Flashing blue and white lights started to light the stage faintly, giving only slight clues about the next performer or the song.

“Soo” — Baekhyun whispered to his friend — “This is not…”

“I know” — Kyungsoo replied wearing a big smile on his face, completely excited. “It’s better.” Both friends laughed, getting up from his chairs to clap and shout Jongdae’s name alongside the melody. Jongdae wasn’t only killing one of his fears tonight, he was slaughtering them.

If I’m doing this, Jongdae thought to try to ease his breathing, I’m going to get remembered for it... Finally, the lights focused on the performer, sitting on a chair. The melody turned more complex, accelerated, battery, japanese lyrics, guitar and bass playing together like one. And Jongdae’s voice wrapping it all like it was an easy thing to do, filling every inch of the place with his talent.

Watch out, indeed.

His body moved unconsciously, free. The music controlling his whole body leaving behind every possible bad memory. He was in control now, he had the strength, the confidence, the talent. And the crowd was starting to notice that. They shouted and clapped with the song, they celebrated every loud note, they could only look at Jongdae, and Jongdae felt at home on the stage. He stopped caring about the mesh shirt, about his new hair, he let all of those fell in place. He let the new little things blend with himself. His skin glowed under the mesh shirt, the jacket didn’t cover his shoulders anymore, his voice could be heard across the city to the last single building.

He managed to see Baekhyun over a chair, loudly clapping and singing, Kyungsoo cheering him with all of his might, and Minseok. The astonishment in his gaze, the way those cat-like eyes didn’t move from Jongdae.

_Can you feel it now? この孤独が_

_Can you gimme, love gimme love_

Looking directly at Minseok’s eyes. Jongdae only left that gaze to go when he moved to keep performing. What he didn’t feel was the sigh that escaped Minseok’s lips when they broke eye contact. Minseok’s heart was beating fast, running wild and hot, like fire spreads across a forest. He couldn’t stop looking at the black-haired man on the stage. It was mesmerizing. He attracted all the attention, everybody cheered, applauded and sung along. Even his friends were completely devoted to the show. But Minseok couldn’t move, right there he was feeling like he was the bull’s eyes, like the song was meant for him. I_t can’t be_, he thought, _he hates me._

But that statement didn’t fit what his eyes and heart were telling him. Every “gimme love” of the song was aimed at his eyes, every “watch out” was a warning for him. When the song finally ended and the crowd melted in applauses for him, Minseok was able to breathe again. He drank his glass almost to the end, looking for some sort of reassurance that any of this was a dream, wishing that his heart calmed a little before he had a real heart attack.

Not long after, Jongdae came back to his spot at the table back with his friends. Crossing the full club was already difficult, but doing it with people congratulating you and wanting to talk to you, was even harder. Flattering, but difficult. When he sat he had another drink where he left the other, on the house. He had expected to see Minseok. He was so enthusiastic after the show and all the adrenaline that he might even have the courage to talk to him, but when Jongdae looked around to where Minseok had been sat during his show he had already disappeared.

“He left” — Kyungsoo said, still with a big smile on his face. “But one of his friends talked to us.”

“What?”

“Oh Sehun” — Baekhyun kept saying. “Apparently he is throwing a party at his house tomorrow, all of us are invited.”

“And” — Kyungsoo added. “Minseok told us that you were amazing”

“He said that?” — Jongdae blushed heavily.

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo laughed at his friend. He can pull a show worthy of a professional singer, but get flustered with the single mention of his crush. “Of course. He is going tomorrow to the party, Baekhyun asked.”

“Then” — Jongdae said giving his glass another long sip. “We have a party tomorrow.”

* * *

Jongdae spent the whole day panicking internally, and sometimes externally. As simple as that.

After all the fun they had yesterday, his fantastic show — that someone uploaded to YouTube and everyone he knows was forwarding him — and the drinks they had, he found out that his head was an absolute mess. Maybe yesterday didn’t bathe himself in the fact that Minseok called him ‘amazing’ or that he looked at him the whole time he was on the stage like he had been hypnotized.

“That’s thanks to your hips” — Baekhyun said munching some snacks. “You have amazing hips, trust me.”

“What I’m going to do? All of my courage had vanished.” — he whined loudly.

“Don’t be like that, I didn’t raise a loser.”

“You didn’t raise me.”

“I certainly did, but whatever.” — Baekhyun rolled his eyes playfully, while Jongdae hit him with a cushion from the couch.

“What are you two doing?” - Kyungsoo showed up, already dressed with a blue leather jacket, grey pants, and a black turtleneck. He had styled his hair but in a messy cool way. Baekhyun jumped off from the floor.

“Where are you going with my jacket?” — he asked.

“To a party that I and my two dumb friends were invited yesterday” — he answered crossing his arms over his chest.

“Soo, it’s too soon” — Jongdae replied whining

“Guys… the party is in an hour..” — Kyungsoo said with a low voice and an arched eyebrow.

That simple and apparently harmless phrase triggered a crazy reaction in both of his friends that started yelling and running across the apartment like a pair of over-caffeinated hamsters. ‘What should I wear’ and ‘Where is my eyeliner’ were the most common yells in the next hour. Kyungsoo, meanwhile, was waiting on the couch, watching absentmindedly some drama on the TV. After years of being friends with those two loud guys, he knows how to detach himself when reality its too noisy.

Forty-five minutes later, both of his friends were ready. Baekhyun went for a black military looking jacket, a pair of leather jeggings and boots, his eyes heavily framed with burgundy eyeliner. While Jongdae opted for a black and white turtleneck with a black jacket and ripped jeans.

“I’m so proud, you both can look great in just forty-five minutes” — Kyungsoo joked.

“Come on, get up, we are going to be late and it’s your fault” — Baekhyun told him

“I can’t believe how slow you are, Soo” — Jongdae kept the joke working.

Kyungsoo laughed at his two dumbass friends. They might be noisy, and dumb, but they are his noisy and dumb friends.

Oh Sehun’s house was outstanding, his family must be swimming in cash. The three-story house, with a big garden, a pool and even a little house on the back for guests. The entrance was full of cars from all the people that were already inside. Chatter, laugh, and the music was loud, virtually half the Arts & Music department was there. Baekhyun soon disappeared, dragged into some drinking game with classmates, leaving Kyungsoo and Jongdae to wander around the house. They decided to go for the kitchen, where the booze should be, at least that way they won’t be with their hands on its pockets.

Several people from college talked to them, about class, about the party, about Jongdae’s famous video, some part of him was shy about it but the other was overly proud.

Suddenly, Oh Sehun appeared from nowhere.

“Hello, are you having fun?” — he asked, with a full glass on his right hand. Oh Sehun was a student at their college, but as everyone that studied dance, he looked like a model. It was like a curse but without the bad parts.

“Yes, thank you for inviting us” — Jongdae thanked him, Sehun simply dismissed the topic with a hand.

“I was there yesterday when you did your whole show” — Sehun talked again. “It was spectacular, I mean it.” — Jongdae had never talked before with Oh Sehun. He gave the impression of being cold, but right now, all that Jongdae could think of was that the guy had a really nice smile.

“Thank you, I’m a little embarrassed, everyone is talking to me about it”

“Can you blame them?” — Sehun laughed a little.

“You were great, enjoy the fame” — Kyungsoo said sipping a little of his glass.

“You are Do Kyungsoo, right? Nini won’t stop talking about you” — Sehun said with a mischievous expression. Jongdae had never seen Kyungsoo blush or spit his drink. He left a second before, flustered, looking for something to dry Baekhyun’s jacket. “Speaking about talking issues…. Want to know a secret, Jongdae?”

Jongdae felt a shudder running up his back, a cold sweat. “Yes?”

Sehun smiled, but not the nice smile that had Jongdae charmed a second ago, the kind of naughty smile that would scare anyone. “I know a certain someone that is dying to talk to you.”

“What?” — Jongdae collapsed internally.

“Don’t play dumb with me, I can bear this absurd crush anymore” — Sehun placed his glass over the kitchen counter. “Tell me, why do you hate Kim Minseok?” — he asked with a glint of dryness inside his eyes.

“I…” — Jongdae felt like between a rock and a hard place — “I don’t hate him.”

“You don’t?”

Jongdae denied with his head, starting to blush heavily.

“I see..” — Sehun seemed pensive for a second. “I think I messed up, please enjoy the party and forget everything I said.” — he grabbed his glass and left the kitchen as quickly as he could, leaving Jongdae alone and absolutely confused. He even forgot about Kyungsoo. his feet moved following Sehun across his house. He wanted some sort of explanation for his heart’s sake, but at the same time, he was super confused and lost.

_Me? Hating Minseok?_, he thought,_ like If that was possible… wait, what if that’s what Minseok thinks._

Now he was running, following Sehun through his house, trying to get the tall dancer to explain to him a few things.

“Sehun” — he yelled. “Sehun, wait.”

Sehun turned back on his feet with a regret face.

“I told you to forget about our conversation” — Sehun pleaded.

“Why does Minseok think that I hate him?” — Jongdae asked ignoring Sehun’s pleads.

Sehun sighed, he had messed everything up. “Listen” — he runs his hands across his hair trying to order his thoughts. “You should ask that to Minseok, not me. But please, don’t tell him that I talked to you, because I promised that I wouldn’t do it.”

“You are not really good at keeping promises” — Jongdae talked back.

Sehun huffed. “I am a man of my word. But the occasion is worth it.” — Sehun left to the back garden of his party, leaving Jongdae in the hallway with a mission, the same one he had from the start: talk to Minseok.

Minseok wasn’t hard to find, he and a few other people from his usual squad were at the main living room gathered across a table, playing ‘Truth or Dare’. Jongdae decided to wait until the game was over to talk to him when he discovered that it was Minseok’s turn to play.

“Truth or dare?” — a girl on the other couch asked him.

“Truth” — he answered with his usual gummy smile.

Some of the people on the other couch tried to decide which question to ask when a guy raised his voice. “Who is the more talented person in your class?”

“That’s easy. Kim Jongdae.” — he answered without batting an eyelid.

Jongdae froze. Some of the audience realized that he was standing right there leading to some whispering and murmurs, Jongdae felt the pressure of the moment and dropped his glass before leaving the room. He was so flustered. Minseok had said his name without thinking twice, he needed some air, or his chest was going to combust. Jongdae left the house through the main door, the closest from the living room, and sat on the street, where he couldn’t hear more chatter and loud music.

But his solitude only lasted a second, a sweet voice called for him.

“Jongdae”

Minseok was there. He had followed him across the house, he didn’t even grab his jacket, only wearing a thin striped shirt on a cool spring night.

“Minseok” — he said out of pure surprise.

“I’m sorry” — the other said. “I didn’t mean to…”

“You shouldn’t be.” — Jongdae had to swallow hard his anxiety before he could keep talking. His knees made an attempt to tremble. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Yet you left the place as I’ve insulted you.”

Jongdae looked at him speechless. _That’s why he thinks that I hate him_, Jongdae reasoned. _Because I’ve run from him_.

“I wasn’t running from you” — Jongdae managed to say with some faltering on his voice. Minseok approached him slowly. “I just felt overwhelmed.”

“And in class?” — Minseok asked, curiosity gleaming inside his eyes.

“That’s why you think that I hate you? Because I leave early?” — he asked back.

“You don’t leave, you fly” — Minseok smiled. “And who told you that?”

“I can’t tell”

“Sehun” — Minseok sighed. “Damn brat.”

They both chuckled. “I don’t hate you, Minseok” — It was probably the hardest thing Jongdae had ever said to Minseok. “I swear.”

“You confuse me” — Minseok confessed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Sometimes you completely ignore me, and other times… you act all mighty or super cute..”

“Super...what?” — Jongdae’s brain was close to a meltdown.

“Do I have to say it? Cute. You are really cute.” — Minseok answered, blushing a little over the cheeks.

_I had a nice life, I’m going to die_, Jongdae’s thoughts went rampant. Then, he noticed that Minseok crossed his arms because of the cool night breeze, and without a second thought, he placed his jacket over Minseok’s shoulders.

“This is what I’m talking about, one second you run away from me and the other you lend me your jacket.” — Minseok sighed with a tiny smile on his lips.

“I wasn’t running from you… I told you... I was overwhelmed.”

“Why is that you are always overwhelmed when you are around me?”

“Because all I can think about is you, Minseok”

Minseok froze in place, grabbing Jongdae’s jacket securing it on his shoulders. His cat eyes fixated over Jongdae. Jongdae felt his heart going uncontrollably wild. Minseok could even hear his heartbeat if he tried, he was sure. He said the thing he had been wishing to say for a long, long year, finally the right words came out. All the other words simply left his throat like he had taken the lid of a bottle.

“I’ve been dying to talk to you. I’ve been dying to tell you how talented I think you are, how kind, cute, attractive and mesmerizing you are. How much I like the way you smile, or how cute your smile sounds. But I couldn’t until this very moment, I don’t know why, but you are so gorgeous that the words falter me.”

“I’m dumb, aren’t I?” — Minseok asked after a moment of silence.

“No!” — Jongdae grabbed Minseok’s shoulders. “You can’t blame yourself, I wasn’t making things easy”

“I’ve been keeping… the little note you sent me one time in class. I’ve been keeping it all this time believing that it was proof that at some point you didn’t hate me.” — Minseok took a moment to breathe. “But it was proof that... You like me.”

Jongdae released Minseok’s shoulders, after a deep breath he talked again. “I’ve been crushing on you for a whole year”

“Even when you run away from class after I had asked you something?”

“Yes.”

“Even when you shouted at me after the chorus show on Christmas?”

Jongdae nodded. “No, no” — Minseok approached him until they were centimeters apart. “I’ve been dealing with your nods for a whole year, now I want to hear your voice.”

“Especially on Christmas when I shouted at you.”

“You know… I found that kind of endearing.”

“How can you find that endearing?”

“I don’t know, you are the cutest guy that has ever yelled at me, I guess” — Minseok shrugged, with a gummy grin. “And yesterday? Were you singing at me?” — Minseok asked coming even closer, purring the words.

Jongdae had to swallow. “I was specifically singing at you.” — Jongdae whispered.

“I...liked that a lot” — Minseok whispered. “That ‘give me love' part especially.” — Minseok had approached so much that their chests were touching already. Jongdae’s heart was about to broke his sternum when Minseok leaned a little to press his lips over Jongdae’s. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was the first of many. It tasted like heaven, Jongdae was sure of it.

“What else do you like?” — Jongdae asked, not really knowing how still dazed out from the kiss.

“I think you know the answer…” — Minseok approached Jongdae’s lips once more. The second kiss tasted like coming back home. Jongdae didn’t want their lips to part, stronger and more adventurous than the first one. It left a big emptiness on Jongdae when it was over.

When Jongdae opened his eyes, he found Minseok, grabbing his hips, still wearing his jacket, his lips a little red and wet from the kiss.

And his two friends, plus Sehun, looking at them from a window inside the house, yelling like crazy, hugging each other as they have just won some prize. Jongdae felt the second-hand embarrassment running wild across his body, but Minseok’s laughter made him forgot about how dumb his friends are.

They both returned to the party, hand in hand, no words left unsaid.


End file.
